In Character Bragging - No out of character chat

[Priam]

It seems that The Atlantean Dynasty has scored its first victory, a nearby town was razed by our warriors when they refused to see our obvious might, we plundered their riches for our own. Let this be a lesson to all of you, join us or face us.

Priam

Speaker of Atlantis

[Spandex]

The Spandexian Empire have formed what we refer to as a "town" from which shall spring an eternal empire and an exciting range of comfortable clothing.

LONG LIVE SPANDEX!!

[Priam]

pff... your town is nothing but a village, cringe in fear as the Atlanteans discover a four legged creature, with black and white markings that goes moo! We call it the Atlantean Milk Tiger

[Alejandro Alem]

We call it the Atlantean Milk Tiger

Hmmpf! Call it what you want, it pales in significance to our Imprean Milk Liger - because ours is magic.

Also, the Imprean Gargantuan Bear is a fearsome creature also discovered near our home city. It provides sausages and rashers, is completely loyal and can....umm...savage a man....so watch it....

LONG LIVE THE GRAND IMPERIAL REPUBLIC!!!!

[Alejandro Alem]

It seems that The Atlantean Dynasty has scored its first victory, a nearby town was razed by our warriors when they refused to see our obvious might, we plundered their riches for our own.

We can’t forever turn a blind eye to wanton destruction. Small nations are prone to such aggressive moments, so we allow grace. Truthfully, we don't know what internal problems Atlantis is having that causes them to lash out. Peraps the Atlantean Milk Tiger wasn't the solution to their woes they were hoping for.

We’d just remind Priam, the Speaker of Atlantis, that we are watching very, very closely.

LONG LIVE THE GRAND IMPERIAL REPUBLIC!!!!

[Spandex]

Pah -we have sighted food ashtrays in the blue wet stuff beside our town. As soon as we figure out how to get to them without dying from wetness, we shall feed ARMIES of leotard wearing fitness instructers!!!

[Priam]

As we speak my village elders are coming up with more efficient ways to sharpen sticks, we will not hesitate to use them..

[Alejandro Alem]

Pah! While you sharpen sticks, we sharpen our minds. Even now, a team of elite school teachers stalk the streets of our great city, abducting...um...'enlisting' the first born of each household and every talent.

We suspect that it will soon be possible to harness the raw power of the...Great Imprean Stalking Leopard!!! These four-legged beasts with their fetlocks will succumb to our mastery!

[Frederick]

As impressive as your Atlantean Milk Tiger is it shall pale into insignificance with the most recent discovery by our noble scouts, a form of herbivore which they have named the pferd, these beasts’ reside but one days walk from our mighty citadel.
Günter the wise has assured me that use of these beasts will revolutionise transport as we know it.

Behold the future: the pferd (http://img467.imageshack.us/img467/3544/pferd1nw.jpg)

[Spandex]

A local village has paid tribute to Spandexia with a gift of "gold". 58 of it, we are told. As soon as we can figure out the secret of "counting", we will check to make sure. The blue wet stuff remains problematic. There surely must be a way to access the food ashtrays....

[Priam]

This very day in the hills north of Atlantis our crack team of rock bashers have discovered a golden coloured rock, we hope to melt it down into a liquid and serve it with the flesh of the milk tiger, it will be a glorious feast.

[Tokugawa]

Pfft! Under fear of death my people sneer at your pathetic "discoveries", as I laugh and wipe a tear from my eye (a tear of laughter...Tokugawa never cries).

Our fertile land is abundant with a glorious golden grain, which our enlightened squires have named...the Golden Grain. Here is a high-definition image as viewed from our orbiting AMC 6 satellite:

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/8336/desert5rq.jpg

"Blue wet stuff" is also in abundance here, although our language will not be tarnished by the tongue of Spandex, we shall call it what we have called it for days now; Ballygowan Mineral. We are in the process of combining Ballygowan Mineral with Golden Grain, and will soon build great fortifications that will stand the test of time!

On the verge of our town lies green plains, covered with plants of many kinds. They appeared to be of absolutely no value compared to the Golden Grain, until one day a young slave combined these plants with a recent discovery; fire. This individual assures us he is in the process of developing "religion".

[Montezuma]

A local village has paid tribute to Spandexia with a gift of "gold". 58 of it, we are told. As soon as we can figure out the secret of "counting", we will check to make sure. The blue wet stuff remains problematic. There surely must be a way to access the food ashtrays....
Oh wise Spandex.

Our people have not yet met, but i am willing to do you a favour. This "gold" that you speak of is in fact a deadly weapon that will bring plague and misery to the mighty Spandexia.

When the time comes for us to meet face to face, i will happily take this terrible poison from you. Consider this a diplomatic gift.

AZTEC'S RULE AOK

[Spandex]

Hmmm.... poison you say.

ALL BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF SPANDEXIAN WEAPONISED SMALL SHINY GOLD DISCS

[Alejandro Alem]

Spandex, my people grow ever more concerned about the acts of terror you could commit with these Weaponised Small Shiny Gold Discs. We are also not mislead by your nomenclature - we believe you have 'Gold Discs' of various sizes and weights - something that is strictly forbidden by our Unity National Council.

My people demand access for our inspectors to search for all forms of WGDs within your borders. You can save us both a lot of time (and pain) if you send us all your WGDs NOW.

[Priam]

But Alejandro, it is well known that the only source of gold is within the lands of Atlantis, spandex can not have WGD's.

Is this a ruse for war?

[Spandex]

Now, Now Alejandro. I'm sure you are aware that our Weaponised Gold Discs are merely for innocuous defensive purposes only. Your Unity Council and its silly rhetoric only exist to mask your TRUE intentions. You seek a pretext to invade us for our food ashtrays, for you have none of your own. BOW DOWN BEFORE SPANDEX, HEATHEN OR WE SHALL THROW WEAPONISED GOLD DISCS AT YOU FROM OUR SHINY HUTS. WE WEAR COMFORTABLE CLOTHES - ALL SHALL BOW DOWN BEFORE SPANDEX.

[Alejandro Alem]

…it is well known that the only source of gold is within the lands of Atlantis, spandex can not have WGD's

If this is so, then why does he claim so intently that he has such weapons?
Indeed, are you not trying to hide your own complicity in the matter. If you have traded gold for Food Ashtrays, you have played right into his hands.

Is this a ruse for war?

Never! Our peoples are peace-loving and generous. We merely show concern for all man and woman kind. We cannot allow a Gold-gap to be created in the same way as previous resources have been plundered.

Does your young nation not remember when Spandex was free for all? When our Science Fiction conventions would teem with people in futuristic mock-uniforms? When athletes would claim aerodynamics as the reason for skin-tight spandex suits? When our fitness instructors would bend over and you could see right up…

Anyway… we will not let gold go the way of Spandex – to become the basis of empire for some upstart cult.

BOW DOWN BEFORE SPANDEX, HEATHEN OR WE SHALL THROW WEAPONISED GOLD DISCS AT YOU FROM OUR SHINY HUTS

From…your…shiny…huts? B-but….How? Why? Fsck! Wait…I’ll be back….


Architects! ARCHITECTS!…somebody get me the fscking State Architects in here – we have to dear down any non-shiny buildings…no…no…I don’t know…not particularly…Look, stop asking me. They have them, so there must be some reason. Just get building.

Spandex, your Axis Ally, Generalissimo Priam has made a nobel effort in denying the existence of WGDs in your tiny nation, yet you blatantly contradict him!? Isn’t it time for you to stop lying and admit inspectors within the confines of your border?

I’m not even asking that they be Imprean. Just that they report back to me and give me a cut of the loot for proper disposal.

[Priam]

Today our people discovered a great thing, we call it The Wheel

http://mirrorimageorigin.collegepublisher.com/media/paper623/stills/vblixxk6.jpg

we intend to use them as surfaces to eat off, the hole in the middle is used to hold our drinks, beware our technical might!

[Roosevelt.old]

I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure



Today our people discovered a great thing, we call it The Wheel

I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves.

[Spandex]

We Spandexians have mastered the secret of the Blue Wet Stuff. The food ashtrays shall now be ours. Our child labourers are busy creating Spandexian Swimwear as I speak. It tastes funny.

Soon, we shall build a Blue Wet Stuff Shell, within which to sail the Blue Wet Stuff and prove finally that the Earth is triangular shaped.

[Priam]

Atlantis has discovered the inner secrets of city management, our citys will grow to mighty metropoli

[Spandex]

Atlantis has discovered the inner secrets of city management, our citys will grow to mighty metropoli

City growth is an interesting proposition.. how often do you water them?

[Priam]

The city requires wet stuff to grow.

It wets the food which in turn is used to construct buildings

[Spandex]

Presumably, one then consumes the buildings?

[Priam]

Recently my people have begun playing a new game. Pointy sticky flingy has become quite popular over the years and has become the natinal sport. But as I am sure you are aware, where there is sport there is also cheaters.

An individual called Critil Bow created a device that would allow him to hurl the pointy sticks quite unreal distances. Its design shown here

http://www.coldsiberia.org/monbow.htg/bow_w_string1.jpg

was soon copied by all other competitors and is now called a Bow after its creator.

I must warn you that we are currently intergrating this technology into our armies and will soon crush all opposition with our defensive might!

Critil Bow was executed today for being a smart arse know it all cheating haxor.

[Spandex]

Hmm the design does not look in the least intimidating. Perhaps you have executed Mr. Bow for nothing.

[Spandex]

Attack things with string? Have you gone mad, sir?

[Priam]

Your insults mean little to me spandex, I see in your eyes a fear that would take the very heart of men faced with the mighty bow. It is the peak of weponary and can never be bettered.

All troops have been ordered to eat their bows if captured, you will never learn their secrets

[Priam]

Today we are settled people, my citizens have stopped hunting Atlantean Milk Tigers with WGD and have instead decided to put plant pods in the ground. It has been suggested that we put water and poo on them but in fairness the guy who suggested that is an idiot.

We call this new practice farming!